Don't tell me

I know that when someone is dying that there are certain things that you are suppose to say to the family. But for my siblings and I, it is very different. She was our friend, our diary, and our biggest fan. I don't want to hear that she is in a better place. I don't want to hear that she is no longer in pain. She is by herself dying in a cold white room and I can not get there. There is NO words that are going to take away my guilt. I should be there holding her hand and stroking her hair and kissing her cheek. Don't tell me that she is not really there and that is a shell. That shell made me, that heart beat next me and those arms loved me. So don't tell me that I shouldn't feel guilty for not holding her. Call me selfish but I want her here. I want to yell at her for smoking. I want to tell her to drink a glass of water instead of that nasty Pepsi and I want her to give me useless mommy advice. I love my mom and desperately miss her already....

Where are you MUSIC????

When you turn on the radio today, what do you hear? Probably the same terrible songs over and over again that people have become forced to like since there is nothing else on the radio to listen to. Yea, some songs might be amazing to you today, but this is because there simply is no good music to compare it to anymore. Sorry if anyone takes this personally but most of the artists out there these days are really a dime a dozen. Lets forget about this new era rap/hip hop music that has Biggie Smalls and Tupac turning in their graves, and concentrate on where the hell real rock music went.

When I think of todays best rock music, bands pop into my head such as The White Stripes and Kings of Leon, but their not exactly stretching the boundaries of rock music. A corny sounding guitar with a bass drum and a singer with a stupid scratchy voice is not exactly revolutionary.

Lets think of Rock music in its prime for a moment.

Many people may believe that Elvis was the “King of Rock Music,” but in my opinion a group of young teenagers started the amazing rock era. I’m not taking anything away from Elvis (the guy could sing and dance his ass off), but I believe that the BEATLES kicked off the Rock Revolution. They were the spark that ignited not an era or decade, but an actual rock movement. They opened the world to guitar rock, and ruled the 60′s.

Jimi Hendrix wowed people with his amazing talents on the guitar. When someone mentions Woodstock, I automatically think of Hendrix. Personally, I believe he is the best guitarist of all time. His sound is so distinctive, and his ability to play music off the top of his head isn’t taken seriously enough. Hendrix probably has some of the best guitar solos ever.

Then came PINK FLOYD, the start of another movement.

Pink Floyd

This English rock band achieved world-wide success with their psychedelic rock music. They are one of the most commercially successful and influential rock music bands of all time. Their lyrics and trippy sounds changed the rock world, and influenced thousands and thousands of people. I recommend their music to anyone that has the ability to hear.

Lastly to sum up the amazing rock era, Queen.

When people think of Queen, they probably think of We Will Rock You and We are the Champions.

Yes, these are probably two of the most famous rock songs of all time, and they are still used in movies today, but these songs do not define the band. They are at the bottom of the list when I think of my favorite Queen songs.  Queen had probably the best front man of all time, Freddie Mercury, who was a worldwide favorite. 

There was no musicians that wanted to continue this rock legacy started by theBeatles, Floyd, Zeppelin, Queen etc. Yes, new movements happen all the time, but usually for the better. The problem with rock music today is that there are no movements at all. There is no real rock community.

Today, we have greedy record labels that are trying to get rich quick. They look for instant hits, and they don’t nurture bands anymore. There is no more competition between bands at local cliques in cities anymore, mainly because the internet, which I believe is another killer of that amazing rock era.

Music spreads way to quickly over the internet in its infancy, and it is not given a chance to develop into its best stages. What made the bands of the 60′s, 70′s and even 80′s so good is that they played so many times all over the world for everyone to hear them. Today, a song can be posted on the internet and everyone around the world can hear it. This may seem like a convenience to the listeners, but they don’t realize what it is doing to the content of the music. The music is simply stuck in its infancy. No jam sessions....just plain sad. 

Rap music has developed much more over the years because it is easier, plain and simple. Rock music has to rely on nerds and hippies to bring out the music in little coffee shops and dens where the crowds are very small.

There is no more motivation in the rock world.

Dirty Mouth

Last night on Facebook I posted a status saying:

Maybe I like my dirty mouth, Orbit gum whore.

As I am sure you can tell this is a joke but the reality behind it got me thinking. Is cussing that bad? or a more healthy way to get frustrations out. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that all curse words are OK. But I do feel that throwing an S*!# is better than many other self destructive out lets, if you will. I'm rarely intentionally offensive. But am increasingly interested in the "versatility of swears". You can mix and match them in in way you want. 

And I know this is just terrible but the people whom I cuss in front of end up being the ones that I love. Because I subscribe to the back-assward logic that I should be more respectful and conciliatory towards strangers than people who are already familiar with me. Members of my family get the highest volume of it, but only because they make the, quite simply, dumb choice, of being offended by it. 

I believe even more importantly: They are words. Words have meaning. Sometimes meanings aren't exactly "pretty" -- deal with it? If you really want to be offended by something so badly, why not actually pay attention to the content and context of the message and look for something in there, other than which particular noises are uttered in which order?

I do not believe that cussing makes me any less of a good person nor do I judge those whom choose to not cuss. It's a choice that everyone makes. I do my best to not cuss in front of my or any children for that matter. If I do slip I apologize but am not blind to the fact that if I had made the choice to never cuss the exposure to a curse word or two would be inevitable. That doesn’t mean that we ought to cuss like a sailor, but words have power… even what our culture considers offensive. Within reason and in moderation, it’s probably acceptable in context.

Ill end with Tony Campolo's famous opener: "I have three things I'd like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night."

Waves of Reality

Reality....for many this word eludes them their entire life. And honestly at times I wish that this were true for me. I do believe that there are different degrees of reality for everyone.

For me actual reality has come in increasing waves. I grew up believing that to a certain extent my life was normal. I had a family, I went to school, was an active youth and the world was mine for the taking. When I left for college my first significant waves began to hit. I had a devastating death in the family, it was my first taste of true independence and I realized that I was very much alone without a traditional family. All three were more than I thought I could bare...I was wrong.

After leaving school I married and my second wave hit...Walt Disney was full of shit. Marriage was hard and melting two beliefs, values, and goals was not as easy as it seemed in the movies. But I knew that I could get through this with the man that I had chose to be with. Our first two years of marriage were filled with ever trial imaginable, but we came out on the other side and I believe we learned a lot about ourselves, each other and most importantly that if we stick together we can get through anything.

My most recent wave of reality is still in progress. It started with the birth of my first child and increased two fold with the birth of my second child. These two kids are by far the greatest things I have EVER done or even thought about doing in my whole life. I have always had a deep desire to be a mother and never questioned that.

When #1 was born I began to question it and realized that I wanted to stop a cycle that I had been terrified would continue past me. I wanted to give my children a life that I had dreamed about having. Do not get me wrong it was not all bad and my family did everything because they thought it was the right decision at the time. BUT...it didn't change the fact that I had never met my father, was raised by 5 different parts of my family at some time or another. All I wanted was a father, mother, and stability. This began the desire to give that and so much more to my children.

These have been my reality waves/checks. But all of this leads me to today's thoughts. The people around me must be going through their own discoveries as well. Will the man that didn't look for me realize what he missed out on? Will the women that brushed me aside for other children be sadden when I don't call?And lastly will the people who believe that because I am no longer in their home I don't still need those stand in parental units?

I know that the chances of these exact questions/answers popping into their reality waves are slim to none due to the fact that if they haven't thought about it in the last 20-30 years, the light bulb will not click on now. Everyone has their own reasons for decisions or perceptions. To change or alter those "realities", I have come realize is nearly impossible and is waste of your energy.

Ill end by posing a question...

At what age are we fully aware of all that is real in our life? Do we ever?

Wile E. Coyote

It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is only remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.


How many of you grew up watching this classic cartoon? I know that I did and many friends that I have did as well. So why is it that you never see it anymore? When researching the topic for the most part I discovered that this cartoon is no longer...PC in today's society. Why you ask? Simple, actions on TV drive humans to mimic. Do you believe this fact?


I sat for a minute and pondered this idea. Sure the majority is less sensitive to today's "un-norm" but do we really watch something on TV and feel a desire to do the same? I can tell you I have watched the show Snapped on TV and as much as it drives me insane that my husband refuses to put his dishes in the dish washer I don't think that I would recreate a moment from that show. I feel that anyone who uses a show or another person's actions to justify their own really has a deeper issue....they were never taught to take responsibility for their own actions. So in my opinion maybe we should all take a moment and instead of blaming a TV show, or politicians, "the famous", or better yet the kids in our schools for what we are doing, maybe we should take a closer look at what we are teaching our children and maybe focus a little more on lessons about how to handle the real world. I know sometimes easier said than done. But if you weren't up for the challenge of being a parent then why did you volunteer to be one?


Have a great day friends