Reality....for many this word eludes them their entire life. And honestly at times I wish that this were true for me. I do believe that there are different degrees of reality for everyone.
For me actual reality has come in increasing waves. I grew up believing that to a certain extent my life was normal. I had a family, I went to school, was an active youth and the world was mine for the taking. When I left for college my first significant waves began to hit. I had a devastating death in the family, it was my first taste of true independence and I realized that I was very much alone without a traditional family. All three were more than I thought I could bare...I was wrong.
After leaving school I married and my second wave hit...Walt Disney was full of shit. Marriage was hard and melting two beliefs, values, and goals was not as easy as it seemed in the movies. But I knew that I could get through this with the man that I had chose to be with. Our first two years of marriage were filled with ever trial imaginable, but we came out on the other side and I believe we learned a lot about ourselves, each other and most importantly that if we stick together we can get through anything.
My most recent wave of reality is still in progress. It started with the birth of my first child and increased two fold with the birth of my second child. These two kids are by far the greatest things I have EVER done or even thought about doing in my whole life. I have always had a deep desire to be a mother and never questioned that.
When #1 was born I began to question it and realized that I wanted to stop a cycle that I had been terrified would continue past me. I wanted to give my children a life that I had dreamed about having. Do not get me wrong it was not all bad and my family did everything because they thought it was the right decision at the time. BUT...it didn't change the fact that I had never met my father, was raised by 5 different parts of my family at some time or another. All I wanted was a father, mother, and stability. This began the desire to give that and so much more to my children.
These have been my reality waves/checks. But all of this leads me to today's thoughts. The people around me must be going through their own discoveries as well. Will the man that didn't look for me realize what he missed out on? Will the women that brushed me aside for other children be sadden when I don't call?And lastly will the people who believe that because I am no longer in their home I don't still need those stand in parental units?
I know that the chances of these exact questions/answers popping into their reality waves are slim to none due to the fact that if they haven't thought about it in the last 20-30 years, the light bulb will not click on now. Everyone has their own reasons for decisions or perceptions. To change or alter those "realities", I have come realize is nearly impossible and is waste of your energy.
Ill end by posing a question...
At what age are we fully aware of all that is real in our life? Do we ever?
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